Why is my brand-new computer so blinkinblankinfrickinfrackin SLOW???

OK...here's a blog post I probably should have done a long time ago and just never got around to doing. This started out as a response to a friend's question on FB and quickly turned into a book so I figured rather than clog up my friend's newsfeed with it, I'd kill two birds with one stone and "share" it with all my other friends via a blog post.

In my years working with computers, both on a hobby level and running my own computer repair business, probably one of the most common questions/problems my friends and customers have had is this:

"I've got this brand new computer and it's not working the way I think it should! I've got a terabyte of memory, it shouldn't do that!"

So, here's the first problem...the end user commonly confuses "memory" with "hard drive space." (I can always tell by the # quoted.) Memory and hard drive storage are two completely different beasts, serving completely different functions.

Here's an analogy to the "analog" world I always share to explain the difference:

Think of "memory" as the "inbox/outbox" on your old fashioned analog world desktop. It's the stuff you're currently working on...taking stuff in and out of it...but it's nice and handy so you don't have to expend the extra energy (computing power) to walk over to your...

"Hard drive space"...the 4 drawer file cabinet of your analog world. This is "stuff" you're mostly already done with, but need to keep around for reference use at other times. In the digital world this consists of documents, videos, pictures...anything you have "stored" or "saved" or "downloaded."

Memory is in use for anything that is currently running on your computer (the inbox/outbox on your desk). So whatever programs (or documents, or videos or music or websites) that you are actually USING on the computer are held in memory so they're nice and handy...you don't have to sit and wait while the computer uses resources to pull them off of the hard-drive (or walk over to the file cabinet, dig through all your files, and find that particularly one you need and bring it back over to your desk.)

Now, that being said...memory can easily get clogged up on even a new computer for a variety of reasons. The most common one is, you've got this brand new "smokin' fast" machine and  you have more expectations of it than it is actually capable of handing. "This baby can do ANYTHING!" And yes, to an extent, you are right...especially when you compare it to the old POS you probably just threw out (or handed down to your poor unsuspecting kid/grandkid/niece/nephew). But even the newest fastest computers have their limitations. (Just because I replaced my Gremlin with it's top speed of 60mph with a brand new Mercedes E class doesn't mean my top speed is now the speed of light. Get it?) So if you're not actually using a program and won't be for a bit, go ahead and close that baby out. It will clear out your inbox/outbox and improve performance of the machine overall.

The other "biggy" with new computers is that the major manufacturers just LOVE to clog them up with useless applications that *automatically* start running in the background as soon as you turn your computer on. It's actually a "good thing" for the end user in that those software companies generally have paid the manufacturers for the "privilege" of being included on their new machines, and this in turn keeps the overall cost of that computer down for us the consumer. Think of it as a "subsidy" helping you pay the actual cost of your computer.

BUT...guess what? All those programs running in the background are taking up MEMORY! And thereby slowing down that brand-spanking-new-blazing-fast computer of yours! Imagine loading up the trunk of your brand-new Mercedes E class with a load of bricks. Think that's gonna slow down the performance of your "new baby" a bit? Of course it is! And for no particular reason! Look down there by your system clock.

 See all those little icons there? Each one of them represents a program that's running in the background...and slowing things down! Each one represents a brick in the trunk of your Mercedes! As an example, most new computers have a "print monitor" program sitting in the system tray. Why? Do you print non-stop? No? Then shut it off! When you hit "print" on a document...guess what? It's going to open that program anyway! Will you have to wait a second or two for it to start? Of course you will...but the savings of a few seconds of time waiting for it to open is NOT worth the performance hit your computer takes by having it run constantly in the background!

Yeah yeah I know...your next question is "So how do I turn that stuff off???" The common way is to right-click that little icon in the system tray and hit "close program" or "exit" or whatever option it gives you to shut the software down. Problem with that is...those darn software developers and computer manufacturers...they're sneaky! The software developers have paid for that software to be there...so they want it "in your face" as much as possible. Free advertisement! And the hardware manufacturers...well...they want their customers (no, NOT you, for God's sake! The software developers!) to be happy...so they oblige. They've given your computer specific instructions to automatically start that program every time you turn your computer on! So the next time you turn your computer off and back on, all those programs that you right-clicked and exited from are going to load themselves right back into your system memory.

So let me show you the easy way. Click, the "start" button and depending on your operating system you're going to either click on "run" or click into the "search" box and type "msconfig" and click the tab over toward the right labelled "startup". You will see this:

See all those checkboxes? Each one is a program that potentially loads whenever you start your computer. Uncheck as many as possible. The only one you REALLY need running is your anti-virus software. The rest, for the most part, can be unchecked. In fact, while typing this, I see a couple that sneaked their way in there that I can uncheck. Can you guess which ones? If you chose AdobeARM, GoogleUpdate and FacebookUpdate, you are correct Sir/Madame!

You'll also see a few that don't really make a whole lot of sense...like the "ctfmon" one in this example. Sometimes looking at the information to the right can help you, but if it doesn't, then the "rule of thumb" is to just leave it checked. Generally speaking, you can't really "hurt" anything by unchecking startup software, but better safe than sorry. You should be able to find plenty to uncheck in there to help save on system resources that you don't have to worry about leaving a few checked.

When you're done hit the "apply" button and "close". You'll get a message telling you that changes won't take place until you reboot. You can either reboot right then or wait until next time you go to shut down your computer. Doesn't matter. And when you reboot the computer you will probably get another message saying you've run the program and blah blah blah. Just hit "don't show this again."

There...now you've been given a quick tutorial on the difference between hard drive space and memory and what it means for your computer's performance, along with some tips on how to improve said performance. Hope you paid attention...there'll be a quiz later!

A Matter of "Demographics"?

Hello everyone. Been awhile since we spoke. Most of you know I've had more pressing personal issues to deal with.

I see much ado being made today about "demographics" being the "issue" for the Republican party. I think looking at their "problem" as just being one of "demographics" is a bit self-deluding. It is, to an extent, about "demographics"...but their issue is not that they don't appeal to a broad enough demographic...it's that they have chosen to appeal to a very narrow demographic.

John Danforth saw the hand-writing on the wall seven years ago...

There are two key quotes from the article itself I want to bring to focus and elaborate upon:

"When government becomes the means of carrying out a religious program, it raises obvious questions under the First Amendment. But even in the absence of constitutional issues, a political party should resist identification with a religious movement. While religions are free to advocate for their own sectarian causes, the work of government and those who engage in it is to hold together as one people a very diverse country. At its best, religion can be a uniting influence, but in practice, nothing is more divisive. For politicians to advance the cause of one religious group is often to oppose the cause of another." (emphasis mine)

When the Republican Pundits shout out that their problem is a problem of "demographics"...they are being disingenuous both with themselves and with those would do what they can to help the Republican party not continue to see the sorts of embarrassments they saw at the polls on Tuesday. They deliberately chose the demographic, as Senator Danforth points out, based on early successes they saw by doing so. But the pendulum has swung the other way. The choice is now hurting them more than it's helping. And the only way to reverse that trend is to unchoose that demographic.

They need to get back to core Republican beliefs...fiscal conservatism and keeping government out of your daily life. What has really killed them, in my estimation, is that while they spout those two key principles out of one side of their mouths, when it comes to actually doing the work of governing, they work at exactly the opposite. Pushing legislation that, rightly or wrongly, women have seen as declaring a "war" on their rights. Trying to tell people who they can and cannot fall in love with and marry. And at the same time virtually ignoring the bigger issues of ever-growing spending, poor unemployment numbers, etc. etc. etc. The outright hypocrisy of spouting those two key Republican pillars while actually working for just the opposite is not lost on the average voter.

Senator Danforth goes on to say in the article:

"As a senator, I worried every day about the size of the federal deficit. I did not spend a single minute worrying about the effect of gays on the institution of marriage. Today it seems to be the other way around."

This is by far the most salient point of Senator Danforth's article...and until the Republican Party "gets it"...they are only going to keep seeing the sorts of defeats they saw on Tuesday.

Dear Mr. Romney: Here's a job offer for you.

Since you have obviously kissed off any chance you might ever have had to be the President with your idiotic 47% remark, and will therefore not have much to do come the second week of November, I'd like to make you an offer:

Come be me.
Just for a week.

I don't even want to "trade you places," mostly because if being born with a silver spoon in your mouth requires having your head up your ass in perpetuity, I want no part of that.

So, what's it like to be me? Well, I got a pretty good job about eight months ago, so that's a good thing. I had been feeling bad for a few months before that, but, despite the excruciating pain, I just chalked it up to a fairly common ailment that lots of people have. Let's just say a tell "tale" sign of the ailment is the rubber ring that people afflicted by it sit on. I figured it would be all good while I waited out the 2 months for my insurance to kick in and then I'd go see the doc and get it "taken care of." (What I did not do was rush off like one of your "victims" to an emergency room and expect to suck off your disdained "government teat.")

It was all good...I sat through my month-long, 8 hour a day training (notice: sat), and barely made it to "that" day when my insurance kicked in. I only had 1 episode of pain so excruciating that I physically blacked out sitting at my desk at work. And I finally made it to a doctor without having to worry about how I would pay for the bill. Yep, sure enough, 8 weeks after that first doctor visit, it was "taken care of." The chemo and radiation had knocked that cancer right out of my ass. Literally.

Of course, I didn't get to work any of that time, but it was OK. My employer was awesome about my time away and greeted me back with open arms. I found ways to "get through" that two months of no pay without becoming one of your "victims," and went back to work. I'm just very fortunate that way.

Today, as I write this, I am sitting at the doctor's office, waiting to hear from him how we're going to battle with round two of  cancer for me. I've been off work again going on three weeks with it now, and we haven't even started the battle. If I'm lucky though, this time, I'll be able to draw my short-term disability insurance, so at least I'll get 1/2 pay instead of no pay. But in the meantime, all those bills I thought I would be able to catch up on when I went back to work are mostly still there, and the pile is again steadily growing by the day.

So, come be me Mitt. By the time the election is over, I should be towards the end of whatever treatments I'm going to get this round, so you will step into the shoes of a man who feels like walking from the kitchen to the living room of his tiny apartment is  like running the Boston Marathon. (Something your running mate should be able to tell you all about, right?)

Sorry for the interruption, doc wanted to go over "the plan." The plan is to pretty much kick my ass with chemo every four weeks for the foreseeable future, Mitt. He didn't put any kid gloves on. It's gonna kick my ass even worse than the last set of treatments, and let me tell you, boy, those treatments kicked my ASS. 
And the best I can hope for is a good, long remission if the treatments work.

Yeah, this time around I'm gonna have to be one of those 47% moochers you love so well, buddy. If you haven't done the math so far, I've been off work more than on so far this year, and I don't see myself being able to get back to it any time soon. (Because that's just how us moochers are, you know). So yeah, I'm going to prop my head up with a pole if necessary to research what I need to do to get whatever assistance I can. I'm going to be one of those moochers that you so flippantly write off when you're joking with your billionaire buddies over a dinner that you charged them fifty grand for, Mitt. Fifty grand for the honor of hanging out with the likes of you. Fifty grand so you can mooch off them instead of digging into your own overflowing pockets.

So....come be me, Mitt. There's only 2 conditions: 1) you can't bring your money and 2) you can't be me without the cancer, so you have to take that as part of the deal too.

Let's see if it takes even a full week for you to change your mind about who's a "victim" and a "moocher." 

Bet it don't........